Summary: Visitor. Listen. Contribute. Relax.
Next Step:Five days: no complaining.
Saturday: Reading (@ least 1st part) , and research (find all articles, do it the CN way). Meditate for 1 hr.
Sunday: Outline, and drafting. laundry.
Visitors to your home interrupt the normal flow of life. The changes make me question and reconsider how everyone else does it, the idea of normality, and make you adjust your life a little (hopefully for the better). They also push me out of my comfort zone, encourage me to get out more and teach me to be more flexible. In short, they make me get used to being more comfortable with change.
I like it went my friends visit me and stay with me. It’s fun to catch up and the usual. However, there’s also a vulnerable aspect to the homestay business. You have other people over and they see you and your whole family interact. Depending on the time and the current circumstances, you see the best and worst of people come out. For example, you are reminded that XYZ mannerism is socially gauche. You become more aware of yourself. Moreover, I’m also forced to talk to people for extended periods of time, which I usually suck at. Recent revelation: I am really too dependent as a 20-some year old. I think I was slightly envious of a particular classmate of mine because of her ability to socially and academically climb despite some initial hurdles. But that’s the problem with me; I get jealous, complain, sleep to escape my problems, and then wake up and be jealous all over again. It’s not good.
Things to Work on:
1) Be more chill (AKA like me bro), at least externally. Being too intense is energy draining.
2) Work on arithmetic in head when not doing anything. Apparently, 5% of 200 is 10 ml. Yes, that was embarrassing. Also, he’s discovered my tell: I laugh when I make an error.
3) Sleep, laughter, and patience are great pals.
4) Realize that I make mistakes, others make mistakes = I don’t need to behave so insecure all the time. Especially around people I admire, I often try to overcompensate by trying to prove to others something– like quoting witty remarks or belittling others. It’s terrible. The people I most admire are sociable, intelligent, patient, and just all around awesome. I wish I could be more like them ;p .
5) I don’t have to be extreme to have friends, be happy, any of the above. I just need to be extreme when I want to improve things. Being competitive is not fun; I think I am crazy-eat your head off mean when I do this. Instead, I just need to focus when I’m doing something on my own. In short, I’ve got it flipped– I act intense around people, but then am really chill with myself.
I’m going to loathe myself forever if I keep up my habits. So tomorrow, I’m going to change by finishing my reading, going through my research, and doing my laundry. Sunday? Drafting and cleaning the room, and calling the young one.
I’m frustrated. I recycle the same thing over and over, but I don’t do anything about it. Goal for next five days: not a single complaint. Until Saturday of next week. Do something about it.