I am so angry. Again. I need to solve this problem. I am simply too nice and I overhelp people. People steal my ideas. Then I end up being passive aggressive and my aggression ruins everything. For example I am extremely angry that a certain someone, Bob* took advantage of my acquaintance- had them pick him up at 3 AM in the morning from the airport. Mind you these are 40-50 year people and 3 AM is not a normal hour to be up. And they bought him sandwiches and food so he wouldn’t be hungry. I bet he didn’t even bring gifts. Who in the fucking world is this rude? I am upset beyond belief. So, today, even though I found out about this gig that my friend my be interested in, I’m just not saying it. It’s not my responsibility. I don’t want to be that go-to-career person. I am too fucking nice. And then I take out my aggression on my family. It’s really unfair for my family or my friends. I never knew how stupid I could be. However, this experience, more so than anything else prompts me to change. I do not want to talk to this person or be affiliated with him anymore. I am done. Maybe a joke or two. No more career things. Ever. Never ever ever. People are not grateful, they do not reciprocate. They take advantage of you because you are nice. I am going to be selfish with career things now. I am going to pour that energy into myself. If anything, I’ll “clinicalize” the situation and scrutinize my own situation more in depth. Then I’ll laugh more and be happier around people. I might even have more friends. Funny, right? Who would have thought? I’m sick of *w people sometime. Never before have I ever been motivated more to study. Why are they so entitled? I am no longer a nice person, in the deep sense of nice. I’m going to be superficial nice. Not follow up thoroughly nice. Nope nope. Done Done. More like superficial, let’s crack jokes at each other nice. Haha, that’s a good one, right? Funny how the world works. I don’t know about anything any more. but I do know something, Bob is like poison. Bob is like the 13 year old liar in “Norwegian Wood”. I don’t hate him, I pity that he’s trying to learning about the culture in a different setting when he doesn’t even fucking have any sense of manners or decency. Thank goodness I got away from him soon enough. Also, I am reserving talking about Bob in this forum only. If I ever get frustrated about him, again and his antics, this will be the spot. I’m sorry dear blog but you are getting the brunt of it. I refuse to talk about it any other place- not with anyone anymore. I’m just sick sick sick of human behavior like that. I’m not going to be turned into a cold stone because of it. I’m going to behave like Midori who hated her school– and because of that she didn’t allow it to beat her, so she went to school every day even if she had a 100′ C fever. Yes, if I will never have anyone or anything beat me like this. I will never submit to them; I will become a stronger more complete individual and a better individual. It’s not because I’m selfish that I’m doing these things. It’s because I value myself. I value myself as a human being and I’m not going to let someone take advantage of that. That’s right.
In other words, or in another situation, I’m not going to Kelly to restaurants and I don’t need to explain. She can go all she wants and rub all that $$ in my face. I’m just refusing, because I respect my family and myself more than that. I’ve already eaten out with her numerous times. That’s it. Again value yourself. Value your time.