I’m glad I volunteered today. I ran around the hospital more than the previous times combined. I learned that I’m lazy, selfish, have irregular cycles, and am afraid. I didn’t fall asleep until ~4 AM. I hung out with a college sophomore who’s at Harper because she got a full ride scholarship there. She seems wise beyond her years– more eager to learn, more awake at 8 AM, and more compassionate. She wants to be a nurse. She dressed neater than I. She said she dislike high school because the students were immature– and she didn’t seem pretentious about the comment. She said she likes hanging around older people because they know so much. Why did I not meet this person in high school and befriend her? I hope she succeeds in whatever she does; she’s really friendly and appears hard working. She doesn’t care much about what others think about her. Talking with her made me more comfortable with myself in the sense that I should be confident, but not greedy or evil. I should be kind, but not allow others to step on me. I also delivered cards to patients and I physically recognized that disease, and death happens to us all. Murakami (South of the Border, West of the Sun) mentions that life is like a living desert. Everything lives for a period and then dies. The desert landscape is the only that survives. Thus, I delivered a card to a Ph.D. lady sent by another doctor. In other words, even if I think I’m the sh*t by winning things, or getting great degrees, and I don’t genuinely love and take care of the people around me, who cares? Many of the patients I visited had visitors sitting beside them, some more so than others. I can’t be like, “I’m competing for visitors.” That’s just stupid. But, I can love the people around me and I never realized how much this enriches your life. I’m going to be active, grateful, and neat. I also met an older lady who is just beautiful. I think she must have been beautiful when she was young and still is beautiful. She dresses neatly and elegantly. Also, I looked at some of the DOB of of the patients whose pathology papers I carried; currently 1945 is a common one.
Goals: I’m not going to look or dress like a slob anymore. Currently, I behave like a slob with no career goals and no long term goals.