Note to self (on friendships, and being the best)

From a world politics perspectives, if you want to survive in the long term, you won’t have any friends. No life long friends. Only life long trade offs. It’s a sad reality that relies on the economic principles. I frequently tell myself, “If I were a country, I’d want to be Denmark or Finland.” They are happy, productive people who don’t meddle with world politics. Sure they don’t have “power” like the U.S., but they also don’t send their people to war. They live a simple life and are happy. I’d like that. A simple life where I know what’s wrong with me (thus the medicine part) and can prevent it (thus the exercise and food restriction part). I reflect a lot on why I want to study medicine and sometimes I think it’s the money (which is decent for the numbers they work), or the prestige (to crush my enemies with the sense that I do have what it takes to get into medicine and get a M.D. to boot). But  at the end, it’s really to know what’s wrong and to have a holistic sense before things get bad. I know people are their own worst doctors, but at minimum, I have a working knowledge of what clinicians or physicians discuss. So, yeah, the question, “why medicine?” The real answer is because then I know exactly what’s wrong with me and what’s wrong with the people close to me, and that I can actually do something (besides feel helpless) in the face of a medical emergency. Sigh. Though, should I sacrifice 8 years + for this knowledge? I think I’m also glad I’m no longer on regular talking terms with a certain somebody (a neighbor, really). Because then I have the freedom to do the things I want— which includes not spending money and finding cheap ways of fun. Again, I come to the conclusion that everything isn’t about money fame or beauty or whatever. It’s really about power. Not necessarily power exerted over others, but the power to have the ability to choose. To choose your own life (to a rough estimate) or the way you want to live it. Freedom is a good thing, but having too much might be bad (e.g. if cookies and hot chocolate were free everywhere, I’d have diabetes by now). So, I guess the best situation is having enough freedom to make decisions that give you a sense of control over your own life. This of course runs counter to belief in Christ– because I’m to relinquish everything to Him. And in doing so, I can live a more fulfilling life. Therefore my argument for personal happiness=personal control over one’s life is nullified in the presence of the Him. I don’t know what to do, what to think sometimes. I just angry and frustrated and lash out at the people kindest to me. Time to go to bed.


About ivtravels

I like questions, dreaming, doing things, and trying new experiences. Ask me.
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