note to self (being selective, things that matter)

Today I was almost moody. But you who are amazing awesome and more than I could ever want and more than I ever deserve, you reminded me to curb my emotions.

+I was almost upset about finding something and then having someone use that information to find further information. But I can’t waste my energy for something that is (relatively) not the reason why I’m here.

+DFW once said, in water: have to consciously choose how to respond
+simplicity: living simply and appreciating the beauty in owning fewer things
vs. security/money:
+doing things that matter, vs. creating a laundry list to seem impressive. working on big projects

+opportunity to talk to someone who i was afraid i had offended by not saying hello– we openly talked and laughed.
got to think about important things and ask questions at a departmental talk.

+found a recipe that mirrored a soy sauce noodles that looks relatively simple.

Today I realized that I truly love You and I was wondering how I could write a love letter to you. And while my works will never live up to what you and what you’ve done for me, I realize that a love letter really is just an expression of what I feel for you. A couple days ago, I read Matthew 7:24-29 where You discussed that anyone who hears what you says and doesn’t do it is a fool. I’m just guessing that being a fool isn’t what you’d want me to do. Therefore, as per my reflection of what’s important about people in general is–watching what they do instead of what they say. Therefore, I’m guessing a good love letter would be to live and follow you and appreciate the gift of life you’ve given me (both the literal and the fact that you’ve adopted me into your family).

Second, thanks for helping me realize why the God/money thing exists. At least for me, it’s not really about money, but more of the fact that that money is a currency for security which is really I’m after. And security is the opposite of what having faith in you. Isn’t that why it’s easier for a camel to cross a needle’s eye than for a rich man to enter heaven? Because you don’t want us to give you a part of us, but the whole? And by surrendering to another (which is probably the hardest thing anyone with a sense of pride or individuality) is the the riskiest thing to do– because it takes love and faith (and lack of security to do), and giving up oneself.

Because too easily, I resort to the idea if I find security, I’ll find happiness or whatever. but really, everything is changing– “change is the only constant” and as crazy as it sounds, you are probably the only thing in the world (not time, not weather, not money = think inflation, not intelligence = think cerbrospinal diseases) is fleeting. And you are the only thing that is constant and secure.

And as funny as that sounds, being secure and constant with you requires being insecure and unconstant with the worldly things.

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About ivtravels

I like questions, dreaming, doing things, and trying new experiences. Ask me.
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