smiles

I’ve removed myself from LinkedIn unless I find a legitimate excuse*. Today that happened. I’m found the profile of a brother of someone I know and they made me so happy– because they were distinguished academically and remain committed to serving the underserved rather than in pursuit of the most lucrative speciality. Ahh, it makes me really happy to know this and really reminds of a friend, I feel special still regards me as a friend. (like, oh my gosh, I’m excited this person is my friend because well this friend is super friendly and confident, and really represents someone I’d like to emulate, and someone who makes me be the person I want to be and do the interesting things I sometimes forget I’m interested in doing).

new goals

Fall is here. The pumpkin lattes are out, autumn squash is available, and the jackets are out. It’s also the last quarter. This summer has been a great growing experience and I’m ready to list my final resolutions for the year– want to finish off strong, right? 1) finish well: finish things and don’t procrastinate 2) stop/decrease/be conscious of linkedin– as much as I loved/hated Facebook previously, linkedin/googling names has become a seemingly innocuous habit. Yesterday, I got so tired and I’ve noticed my eyes progressively turn for the worse. Today when I was grocery shopping, I realized that our working years/time to shine is really say between 20 and 50/60. Then after that maybe there are still great things to be done, but my steam will run out. So why am I wasting time thinking and looking up people I don’t even care about? Truly, all things considered, my time is short. 3) Do you ever experience so much grace you feel guilty and want to be better person? Since praying in our small group, I have felt this. Not in a guilty — I’m paralyzed, but in a Meliora way, in a it’s ok if everything isn’t together, He is present and cares and everything is going to be OK. Just hold on, work hard, and sit tight type of way. Or really, to just feel so blessed that you know some people and you’re What, I have a person like this who cares for me? When did I deserve this? Yes, that’s the feeling I got today and it’s amazing. It’s GRACE. As a result, I think I’ve started to care about myself — in a, I’m going to start running because I should be taking care of myself, and I’m going to start drinking more water, eating fresh fruit, and being kind to the people around me.

update: 09-28-14. Doing better, but I think I need to be more conscious of googling people. Instead, I think it makes more sense for me to spend more time on the projects that I genuinely get excited thinking, reading, and writing about.

note to self (expectations and the next step isn’t going to cut it)

today has been a real blessing. And I realized that it’s so nice to be surrounded by people of different age groups. Because it’s clear what matters, matters at different stages. and I think it’s really refreshing to be reminded what matters. 

when your kids are small, but not too big: kids are awesome and fun and cute, but they also take away sleep and there and can be stressful things. just because you’re married doesn’t mean your life is resolved. (I thought it would be). Likewise, just because you’re in a relationship it doesn’t mean everything is resolved, it just means…it might be better– and less stressful because then you get a nice problem solver next to you. but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

when your kids are grown and out of the house: you have to find your own hobbies. gardening seems like a good one and being interested and caring for the neighborhood kids. 

and just because you’re married, doesn’t mean it’s always rainbows and sunshine. After a while, maybe you grow apart…and other people might seem exciting and interesting.

So the short and long story, is work hard in your job, but relationships with other people really matter. Clear communication counts too. So work hard and play hard. The shiny things aren’t other things, status, awards, or things that could be “shiny” but the people (unless that person is dressed in aluminum) or painted silver. 

another important thing i think is learning to figure out what is important, and organizing your time so that the important things get taken care of. Because life only gets busier. 

 

Also, tips on prudence:
1) prince of peace: are you at peace?
a. is this biblical?
b. if you have a gut feeling of no, then don’t do it
2) business only with believers: when same level. When above you then doesn’t apply.
3) short term vs. long term: humans see short term but G sees long term. Try to trust Him a little more through prayer and thanksgiving to know that He has your long term interests at heart. Always.

be brave!

Reflecting on this past year and a half, I’ve come to terms with a number of things. Namely, I’m a coward in many respects. Be brave. Work hard. Trust the L. 

note to self (good vs. nice people)

My mom is so smart in her own way. My dad is smart in a way closer to my way. I dissect things, and reverse engineer to understand, my mom understands without the theory. She is so smart with people. 

I realized that all the really really good people that have been good to me vs. nice/funny are those who aren’t always the people who I really want to stay in touch with.

The people who are good who care about you, aren’t always the flashiest or the most attractive socially…but they have things figure out in ways that i wouldn’t have imagined. They are the ones who are the most straightforward, and see my traits and can be the gentlest in the most unique ways. They help me in ways that I wouldn’t have imagined. And in short, I think it’s another lesson about my pride and about “degrees” and “what’s can I show others”. Because I’ve found friends in the unlikeliest of places and I really like them for reasons I wouldn’t have known in the beginning. 

Hey: reminder! Content over the name/prestige/whatever…you have to remember this in ever aspect of your life.

E.K., S.R., S.W. S.K. 

 

note to self (the right amount of challenge and the peace that surpasses all understanding)

i picked up a temporary internship with a group where I enter materials in. It took me a little bit time to learn what to do: but now I’ve already almost reached a plateau point where…I realized that the opposite of stressed is bored. And the older I get, the harder it is to learn and probably the mores stressed I’m going to get. And so I’m off to find the right amount of challenge (other wise, I do a great disservice to the the world and to myself). I think everyone should find their right amount of challenge and also be able to enjoy life 🙂

Also, today I experience of the peace of understanding from Philippians 4. Before and I still quote people saying, “hey, stop being so sad, get out of this state or name whatever emotional state. And I know there is a great validity to that statement. Because your actions do alter your thinking. Concurrently though, that sense of peace (it’s like the most neutral water: and nothing, the storms of life don’t push you in the way that you think you’ll react.) I also had a potentially challenging conversation that went remarkably well (by well; I meant, both parties left the conversation in a relatively positive, but mostly neutral state). I know that I could not have self-willed this, and I know that there is SOMEONE bigger than me who loves me and cares for me, and will lead me to green pastures. Praise Him. 

note to self (on happiness and forgiving)

Today I found out that a high school classmate’s parents both passed away! I CANNOT imagine how things would be. But yet, she is still so joyful. (or at least seems). And so, i think it’s true, sometimes cliche matter and reflect the truth. Life is short. It’s much easier to forgive (not hold a grudge) which doesn’t equal to = they return to the level of best friends as before. Which is an excellent reminder.

 

 

note to self

Today was an excellent reality check. I met up with a current student and spoke to them about reality, how people think, and values in life.

It was a wonderful surprise because I learned that about different life style perspectives. America– more capitalist driven (pro-$) vs. other cultures (pro-appreciating the everyday). Hmm, and you wonder why the rate of depression of is so high in the U.S. compared to elsewhere!

Being wealthy has a bad tinge.

Read the world news; follow what’s going on around the world. Care about what’s beyond yourself.

How to better understand others? Travel and mingle with the people— don’t do the stay in the hotel route.

In order to do things, you have to start with confidence, coupled with passion, and hard work.

And I think the one thing I realized after talking with him (and probably something I’ve noticed in general).

What helps for a developing/unstable country: a homogeneous population.

politics is not something you learn in school. You learn by doing.

There’s nothing wrong with being introverted, as long as you’re well spoken.

It’s so nice to talk with smart people who care about the welfare of the world, who are not driven by money.

That and I need to work on making a convincing argument on why i want to go into medicine.

G was right. For where your treasure lies, there your heart lies as well.

note to self: thanks, reflection, and on focus

Today was exhausting (and confusing) in its own way after a five hour exam. But never have I felt so much love from and encouragement from You (receiving texts and prayers from all sorts of people). I think I put in all my effort in these past couple of days. Some thoughts I’ve gathered over the past couple of months of focused study.

1. It takes a long time to learn to focus. Like weeks. But you have to believe it will happen and so you have to incrementally increase how long you can sit still for and focused. You have to believe it’s going to happen if you put in the effort…and 

2. And suddenly, you’re focusing and reading things like Theory of Literature for (semi-fun) and it definitely carries over into other areas of your life (like your eating habits, and exercising).

3. Being healthy feels good to the brain and to the body: note, I avoided (mostly) processed carbohyrates with a few exceptions (mostly eating blueberries, blackberries, salmon, and lots of azuki beans), cooked meals by the Ma <3. And despite not exercising for over a week, I was suddenly able to bike for at least 1.5 times longer (at a rapid pace). Diet —> you (and often how you feel about yourself)

4. Minimizing sugar. Today was the first day I ate an Oreo in 2 weeks or so. It was the first day after 7 days of eating peach gummies. I ate an almond cookie for the first time. And afterwards, I felt sick. Like, sugar was kind of repugnant. 

5. And on top of that, I think my sleep is improving. (more on this later, we’ll see…)

6. You have to believe it’s going to happen, and then you have to put in the effort, and keep believing that it’ll happen if you put in the effort. Along the way, try to reinforce with little treats. Like ‘yay!’ i did a little. But keep going. Keep going! Cheer Cheer! 

***7. The only way you can do 6 effectively is if you truly believe that G really really cares for you, wants you be who you are meant to be. At the same, He does not encourage laziness. So he will reward you, encourage you, but HE wants YOU TO GROW.***

8. Something I learned tangentially, you have to be a self-assured, self-defined. And do interesting things that occupy your time. And really trust that G is working. You can’t always see it, but HE is really there. He is always there. He’s not loud, not obnoxious, but he is there. And making things happen, in his way to MAKE YOU GROW. Always ask, What is HE trying to teach me here? At this moment?

9. Dedicate more to talking with HIM. think about all the joy and wonderful(ness) you’ve experienced through with HIM. 

10. Be grateful (and express your gratefulness) via remembering other people’s test days, and focusing on other people (in a not dependent way, but in a ‘hooray, i am really excited for you kind of way’.

11. Humor is awesome. And makes things more bearable. Seriously. Joy is kind of. Awesome. Like totes.

note to self (on jealousy and why it’s stupid)

During a conversation with my parents over a discussion about a particular someone. I asked, “does that person know or ever consider that their behavior is making them miserable? Or doesn’t make them happy?”

“no, if they did, they probably wouldn’t be doing it.”

“probably. Oh, and why are they particularly jealous of xyz in the sense that xyz is better than them. There are a like a billion people out there.”

And that got me thinking, if I’m ever angry, upset, or want to glorify someone, put someone on a pedestal, I should probably stop. and think. There is probably someone who did something even better and more efficient and is generally more awesome. It’s like eating a pocket apple pie from mcDonald’s and saying, “wow, this is what I want to emulate”

It’s honestly ridiculous. But I don’t think I’d be able to grasp the concept if I illustrated it alternatively.

In other words, when someone is like, “Damn, they are awesome. I’m jealous” or something of that derivative. It’s stupid because, honestly, sure maybe it’s good that it temporarily irks you ONLY in the sense that it makes you want to be better (not in a comparative sense in ‘no, i’ve one upped them’.” it’s more like a ok, here’s a standard that someone else has done. can i achieve that? Or better yet, am i in the direction of reaching that (as some kind of benchmark), not as in ‘wow, now i’ve reached it and i’m done.”

Haruki Marukami said it best when (to loosely paraphrase his expressions), that when he ran or did anything, he set internal goals because what if one day, ‘poof’ those standards disappeared and they no longer existed. would your motivation to do such things also evaporate? hard to say, but honestly, that’s the mentality to adapt that’ll help you grow.